My School Stories/Transcript


 * Jaiden: I just recently realized, that the majority of my school days are over. I don't know about anyone else, but I just used to think to myself, "Ugh, school is never gonna end. 12 years plus college is so long to spend just in school." And now, all of a sudden, it's practically over and it's like, "W-wha-what, what happened? Wait I'm not ready to be an adult yet!" And you know what else is scary? I don't remember pretty much anything I learned from grade six up. It's just a jumble of English papers and random history I didn't care about. And it makes you question the education system when you think about it. So, I don't remember a lot of the things I studied during school. But I do have a lot of dumb "random memories" that I for some reason haven't forgotten about over the years. For example, in first grade I lost my front left tooth in the middle of class and started bleeding all over the place and the teacher had to stop in the middle of the class to get me a tissue and one of those little teeth envelopes to hold the tooth I just spat out. I don't know if schools still use those. But they were the funniest concept to me like you come home:
 * Kid: Oh, mom, you got mail!
 * Kid's mom: Oh, what is it?
 * Kid: Oh it's not much, it's just my freakin' gross saliva covered baby tooth I ripped outta my head in the middle of school.
 * Jaiden: Do schools still do this? I don't know, I hope so.
 * Viewer: Oh Jaiden, that's a funny memory. I bet you don't remember what you were learning about while you bled on everything.
 * Jaiden: NOPE!! You're wrong. We were learning about Emperor Penguins. Thanks for remembering all those important details brain, appreciate ya. I also remember everyone at school kinda fit in a category. Athletes, popular kids, nerds, anime nerds, emos, you name 'em. What kind of kid was I in school? You guessed it! The quiet one, who never talked at all.... Growing up, I was a shy, quiet person and always had one or two friends in class, if any.. I mean, I'm still pretty reserved but, I mean, that's not the point. I was so shy that one time my nose started bleeding randomly in the middle of a class and I was too quiet to get up and excuse myself to go to the bathroom or the nurse. So, I silently raised my hand waiting to get permission to leave. And you know what happened? The teacher took five minutes to call on me. I spent five minutes panicking! Trying my best not to bleed on anything. Looking back, there was a lot of blood involved in these memories. OOOO!! Uh, one time a teacher asked the class a question and a few people raised their hand but as he was looking around the room we made eye contact..... Oh god.
 * Teacher: Jaiden!
 * Jaiden: Crap. Everyone knows if you don't want to be called on, don't make eye contact. It's school 101. I-I don't know. He went out to someone else who had their hand raised, which he should have done in the first place. If someone doesn't have their hand raised it means they don't have an answer. Don't be mad when you call on someone without their hand raised and they don't have an answer. So, he continued his lecture and I started calming down from the surprise spotlight. But a few minutes later, he had another question.
 * Teacher: Can anyone define a peninsula?
 * Jaiden: Oh, I know what a peninsula is but I don't know how to describe it so I won't raise my hand.
 * Teacher: Jaiden!
 * Jaiden: (blood pressure crashes through the roof, throws things off the desk in raging anxiety) Wh-tha-eh- Are you actually trying to give me a seizure?? I-uh-I-don't-
 * Teacher: Do you know?
 * Jaiden: No- but, well, I mean- I mean yes, I-I know what it is. Then he yells:
 * Teacher: Then tell me!!
 * Jaiden: The class laughed because he was being sarcastic. I thought he was funny too but for some reason I almost started crying. He didn't call on me for the rest of the year. Along with being 'the shy girl' I was also known as being 'the art kid'. I think everyone who is artsy in school can relate. Whenever someone found out that you like to draw, it would immediately turn to:
 * Classmate: You like to draw!? Can you draw me?!
 * Jaiden: And the answer would always be, "Heheh, anyway-" Like, the nice way of saying, "Haha, that's a silly question! No, of course I don't want to draw you." Several years to this day, people are still asking me if I would draw them things. And the answer is still, "Hehe, no." In my middle school art class on the last day of school, we had a little celebration, end of the year, art competition! Not a drawing contest, but a "who's the most passionate about art and is most likely going to do something with it in their life and not drop it and get a day job sitting in a cubicle all day"....contest. Me, having already pretty much zero self confidence, already accepted the fact that someone would get it. I wasn't sad or anything, I just knew in my head people weren't going to vote for me because (1) I never really talk to people and it was a class vote and (2) I dunno, I just didn't think I was good enough. But to my surprise, I actually won. I was so startled when the teacher called my name, like, "W-wha- me?! A-Are you sure?? You don't want to count the votes again? Cathy's pretty good. Everyone likes Cathy." Friggin' Cathy. Then high school happened. And I met my high school art teacher. This guy was..uh- I don't know how to describe him. I've never met some so..psychopathic. To start, he had this obsession with Pirates of the Caribbean. And, even though there's nothing wrong with that, I mean, everyone has their fandoms. He would sit back at his desk and blast different remixes of the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack, even when we were all trying to draw. He would hop onto the desks and scream:
 * Art teacher: Swing your sword!!!
 * Jaiden: While whirling around a golf club with a paint brush taped to the end of it. No one knew what he meant. We didn't question anything. He hung a pirate flag on the emergency fire sprinkler. A bit of a safety hazard if you ask me. But again, no one questioned him. And one time, on a random day of class....
 * Art teacher: (swings door open) YEEARG!!!!! DRAW ME!!
 * Jaiden: (hyperventilates from the sudden jumpscare) He burst through the door, dressed up completely like a pirate, screaming in people's faces and running around like a crackpot. I didn't take his class anymore. But that was not the end of Mr. Captain JACK SPARROW!! NOPE!! You know why? Because he was one of the tennis coaches! Yup and you all know who's on the tennis team..... *pft* It wasn't that bad because he coached the boy's team. His ex-wife coached the girls. She got fired later on from sleeping with the track teacher. But this story isn't about her. So he'd be there while we were on the next court with our own drills. And one practice, I don't know what happened. But all of a sudden he got super hyped up out of nowhere and started yelling and making a commotion. And we all kinda just stopped and looked over at him like, "Okay, what's he doin'?" And then he started yelling:
 * Art teacher: I'M GONNA JUMP OVER THE NET!!!!
 * Jaiden: And the rule of tennis for everyone out there is, don't jump over the net.. We were all just standing there like "What the heck is going on?!" And then he started running to actually do it! And you know what happened?
 * Viewer: He safely jumped over the net?
 * Jaiden: ER!! Wrong! His foot caught the top of it, and it sling-shotted him face first into the concrete. This is why you don't jump over the net. You need to take him to the doctor. And she's like:
 * Ex-wife: Nah, he's fine.
 * Jaiden: Like, no, seriously. He could have a concussion. That was a hard hit.
 * Ex-wife: He's alright. He'll shake it off.
 * Jaiden: Dude. So his ex-wife took him to the doctor. And we all just stood around for a while. I don't think he had a concussion but he did get 2 black eyes and had to wear sunglasses in class for like a month. And that was school for me. There you go!

End-card

 * Jaiden: Hey dudes, it's been a while since I talked to you! Sorry I took so long getting this video out. I am gonna start uploading more frequently now so yeah. I wanted to let you know real quick before the recording bloopers. There's new T-shirt designs in the shop now so you might want to check those bad boys out. Yea! Heh, I always record in my closet and Ari's in here with me. You got anything to say Ari? (quack, squeak) Quack? (quack) OK. So yeah, see ya later alligator! (bloopers begin) ....Quiet person, and I always only had one and a- o- hhmm.. I was so shy that o- hm.. My neck popped. (weak chuckle) ...Which he should have done in the first- (squeak, peep) Hey. Which he should have done in the first- (squeak, peep) Ari! (breathes in, laughs out) Which he should have done in the- (laughs) God dang it! I think that actually help me continue doing art actually- Hmph wait.. (quack, quack) Quack, quack. (quack)