Things that Happened While I Grew up/Transcript


 * Jaiden: When I was living on my own for the first time, I had to go to the store and get milk and paper towels. And that was the first time, I was like "Wow! I am such a freaking adult." I really appreciate the childhood my parents were able to give me. I'm really privileged to have grown up in a functional house where my parents didn't want me to die. I made a "Parent Stories" video a little over a year ago and I re-watched to make sure I didn't repeat any topics. And all I'm gonna say is those stories and animations are not worth 10,000,000 views! That video, I don't- I don't like it! I don't like that video. My parents are really really big on manners and being polite. We got some Asian blood in us, so we can't bring dishonor to our famerry (family). (GONG) We do all the typical things like call adults "Mister" and "Missus", ask to be excused from dinner, make sure to thank everyone for everything ever, bow to our superiors.... When my mom had new people come over to the house, she would make me introduce myself and shake their hand. And then when no one was looking, she would pull me aside to a different room and quiz me.
 * Mom: What color are their eyes?
 * Jaiden: That was my mom's training course to get me to be good at eye contact, because I guess I used to be stupid and not look at people when they talk. But I remember that kinda backfired, because I would be so focused on memorizing their eyes that I wouldn't pay attention to what they were saying.
 * Person: Hi, Jaiden! How are you?
 * Young Jaiden: AAH!! Shh... All right loser, I got a quiz to take.
 * Jaiden: Now that I got 20 years of aced eye quizzes under my belt, I'm an eye contact wizard. I graduated top of my class at eye contact. I got eye contact masters degrees! Well, every once in a while, some people make me nervous and I get shy. But other than that, I'm an eye contact powerhouse! I realized more recently that I think sometimes I go overboard and just end up staring at people by accident, and it's very weird, and I'm sorry @everyone. My mom would also be really strict on me saying "Pardon" all the time instead of "What?" Like she would say something I didn't hear and I would go "What?!" And she would stick her head around with:
 * Mom: PARDON?!!!
 * Jaiden: I wouldn't be a bimbo and be all "WHAT?!!" It's not like I was being a rude moron! One time, my friend told me:
 * Friend: Jaiden, I think you're the only person I know that says "Pardon".
 * Jaiden: And like, that's all fine and dandy! I could respect my mom's request to use an underused word. But I can't!! Because she's even worse! This is what she does. Mom, did you put my books somewhere?
 * Mom: (ear-quake volume) HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH????!!!!
 * Jaiden: Objectively speaking, a "What?" is expediently better than a "HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH????" I started mocking her whenever she did it, and then she gradually stopped bothering me about saying "Pardon". Also I realized that I never told you that I has a lisp as kid. My parents meme on me about it all the time. And a running joke in the family came from when I used to be babysat by my mom's friend who's Italian! Which means she talka lika this and have her house full ofa spaghet, and oh mamma mia!! I'm only half joking, she's very Italian.
 * Mario: Yahoo!!!
 * Jaiden: She would make pasta for me all the time and whenever she would ask me what I wanted for lunch, I would go:
 * Young Jaiden: Pathta with no thauthe!
 * Jaiden: I wanted pasta with no sauce. And now if my family would be having pasta for dinner, someone would end up going:
 * Mom: (mouthing) "Pathta with no thauthe." (young Jaiden fist-slams the table)
 * Jaiden: I don't have a lisp anymore! Sometimes it shines through when I talk too fast or get sloppy with my words, but somehow I fixed it by myself. In first grade, we were learning about letter pronunciation, and when we got to S, the teacher explained that some kids say "S" with their tongue, "th-", when it's actually supposed to be behind your teeth, "ssss-". And I was like.... Oh! So I stopped doing it. CURED! Who knew that if you got a speech impediment or some sort of hindrance or obstruction in your life, just stop it! Simple!
 * Doctor: (sighs) You got cancer. (patient gasps) No, it's okay! Just stop it.
 * Jaiden: When I was learning how to swim, my mom and her friend who also had a daughter my age hired a swim instructor for us. And I don't remember a single thing about it except that she made us hang off the edge of the pool and just shimmy across the side. But I was terrified of these filters against the side and always refused to get across them because I was scared of being sucked in or something. I don't know how I passed that class because I refused to do the exercise. Ah, but at least I knew her eyes are blue. And then at the end of each lesson, she would give us a piece of licorice like we were dogs. I didn't like licorice. Haha, oh yeah!! And also this one time, I almost drowned and died! (Young Jaiden's eyes go big in terror) So my parents were having a bunch of their friends over who also have kids for a pool party. There were a handful of pool toys like blow-up dolphins and beach balls, but we also had this floating foam mat. I was doofing off, doing my own thing, and at one point when I was underwater, the mat drifted over top of me. When I had to go up for air, I hit the bottom of the mat and I was like:
 * Young Jaiden: Uh oh.. Time for advanced critical problem solving!! So if this mat is over top of me, I can't get up to the surface to breathe, so what do I do? I got it! I'll simply become a child Hercules and lift three 6-year-olds from underwater into the air with my twig arms!!! HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!! (struggling to push mat out of the way)
 * Jaiden: Rather than using one of my four brain cells and swimming two feet to the side away from the mat, I decided to try and just bench-press my way to survival! One of the adults realized I was being an idiot and also dying, and instead of being like "Well, survival of the fittest", he dove in and saved me. So I didn't end up drowning of stupidity.
 * Young Jaiden: Thank you, Mr. Chad.
 * Jaiden: And now I'm here! On my own, moved to California! In my own place, not dead at the bottom of the pool, staring at everyone. Being honest, I love my family so much, and they've done so much for me. It takes a lot of effort to raise a person. Just think about how helpless and stupid babies are when they start out. They can't do anything! You can just put a baby on the ground and do nothing. Just leave it alone, and it'll just *pfft!* Pathetic. I'm so thankful and lucky my family's so supportive about everything I've been able to do because I know not a lot of parents are like that. They even help me sell merch at Vidcon. They were so happy about it too. They came up to me after everyday, like:
 * Mom: Oh my gosh, Jaiden, everyone's so wonderful! The people who watch your videos are so sweet! Someone asked me to sign their shirt, so I just wrote "Jaiden's Mom".
 * Jaiden: I was really nervous to pursue this career path because it can a bit unpredictable. But the fact that they're so proud and encouraging has helped me do so much more than I ever would've thought I could if I was alone. So thanks, Mom and Dad! (points at their eyes) Brown, hazel.

End-card

 * Jaiden: So I just came back from Vidcon Australia, and I wanted to say that was amazing. I've never been upside down before. I was on a few panels with some friends like James and Jazza and Maaz, and got to meet a bunch of really amazing nice people. Maaz, Jazza, and I were in the opening show and I ended up having to draw a wombat with my elbows, which was very difficult, especially since I didn't know what a wombat looked like. If you wanna see that, you can check it out on Jazza's channel, he posted that whole thing. I got to hold a snake and pet a kangaroo. It was kinda cold and windy and rainy, but I also got to meet an owl, and a whole bunch of you! Haha! Just a really overall great experience. I am so appreciative that you guys like my stuff. I also wanted to update you that my shop manager and I are working on a new shop relaunch. We weren't content with the old one and wanted to make better stuff, so there's a bunch of new products and much more really cool things coming like... Oh, I don't know, maybe a little Ari bag? I don't know, oh jeez! Link is in the description if you wanna check it out. Thanks for watching, I really mean it. I'm excited to start pushing for more video improvements and just get a bunch of really cool stuff done. Okay, it's getting really hot in this closet! Uh, see you later, bye, thanks for everything, I love you. Byeeeeeee!