My Experience with Sports/Transcript


 * Mom: Do you want to join soccer?
 * Young Jaiden: Not really..... (notices herself wearing a soccer uniform, gets hits by a soccer ball)
 * Jaiden: My mom had me in physical activities before I was even able to comprehend the idea of free will. But that's not anything I complain about. I really enjoyed most of them and it got me being active really early in life. If Mom didn't do that, I'd definitely would have just sat on the floor of my room and played with a Lite Brite for 15 years.... When I was four, my mom was like:
 * Mom: Alright, up and at 'em future diva! Time to get those feet a-tappin'!
 * Jaiden: Since I was so young, I really don't remember anything about dance classes. I know we had a tumbling part where we would spin around or do somersaults, and I think there was a giant foam cheese wheel I would run full-speed into. I don't know what that was all about.... I also have this distinct memory, that when I was on my way to class, I was chewing gum in the backseat. AND FOR SOME STUPID REASON, I took it out of my mouth and started playing with it. Except it started sticking to my finger the more I tried to get it off, and by the time Mom opened the door to let me out, I- (was covered in gum all over) One dance recital, I was doing this routine with other girls in front of the parents. I was in the center like the little queen I was. And apparently in the middle of the performance, the girl on the left froze up and stopped dancing......
 * Young Jaiden: Megan I swear to God if you ruin my big moment, I'll put gum in your hair.
 * Jaiden: I guess it wasn't that big of a deal, but there was a part where we had to start shuffling to the side, and she still wouldn't move. So what did I do to continue the show? I grabbed her tiny four-year-old hand, we looked at each other, I nodded, and her eyes lit up with determination. We danced in sync for the rest of the show hitting every step perfectly! And got a standing ovation from all the parents as we were showered by flowers! (cheering and clapping) Just kidding, I started pushing her as I was dancing because she was in my way. (actual footage of what happened, accompanied by "A Star is Born" from Hercules, along with Mom's laughter in the background) After blowing it out of the water and becoming too good at dance with gum webs, and shoving away the competition, I dropped it and started cheer-leading. And I don't remember anything about that era at all! My parents could be like:
 * Mom and Dad: No, you never did cheer-leading.
 * Jaiden: And I'd be like, "Yeah, OK." One time getting out of my dad's car to go to practice, I slammed the door onto my thumb and was like....
 * Young Jaiden: DAAAAAAD!!!!
 * Jaiden: And that's it, that's all I got for ya. It doesn't have anything to do with cheer at all. But here's a picture of me doing some cheer thing for proof I did it. And also here's my thumb. I- Yes, I still have it. Next step was gymnastics! That was one of the most terrifying experiences on my life. Not because we were doing a bunch of crazy flips and spinning around bars. Nah, I was just a freakin' PUSSYCAT!! I was so bad at everything. I was the first to fall over with the wall handstands, I couldn't do a single pull-up. I still can't. I didn't know why people kept yelling "Stick it!" at me.
 * Young Jaiden: Uh yeah!! Stick it to the man!
 * Jaiden: I was so wimpy and bad, I was the kid the coaches had to pull aside during practice and be worked on one on one. While everyone else was having fun in the foam pit, I was taken off to the side to work on not being a failure!
 * Gymnastics coach: Jaiden, lean back. I'm spotting you. We're gonna do a back-bend.
 * Young Jaiden: NO, I CAN'T DO IT!!!
 * Gymnastics coach: Just lean back. My arm is right here, I'll-
 * Young Jaiden: NEVER!!!!! I HAVE NO REASON TO TRUST YOU!!! (spits on the floor) Stick it to the man.
 * Jaiden: I didn't spit in anyone's face. But i was never able to do a back-bend because I trusted no one and thought I'd just fall over and die. I was a woke six-year-old. Already knew not to trust anyone but myself.
 * Person: Aren't you the one who slammed your own thumb in a car door?
 * Jaiden: (another Jaiden points a NERF gun at her) And then one time, I was at a friend's house jumping on a trampoline, and I landed on my knees weird, and somehow spun it into an excuse to stop gymnastics. YAY, QUITTING!! Not a prodigy born gymnast? Well, all right then, how about soccer? I played soccer for a long time, just like everyone else has, and actually really enjoyed it for a while. My first team was called the Pink Panthers because our uniforms were hot pink. I was the nerd of the team that kept a stuffed animal Pink Panther in my soccer bag for good luck! It didn't work. We sucked butt. But it was still a lot of fun! Coincidentally, one time we played against another team that was also pink. They were called... the "Pink Panthers".
 * Soccer coach: All right Pink Panthers, we've got a big game this weekend against....the "Pink Panthers".
 * Young Jaiden: Well, it sounds like we win either way.
 * Jaiden: All the parents would be trying to cheer for us, but it was pretty confusing because it would just turn into:
 * Soccer mom #1: Go Pink Panth-uh.. Go... Hot Pink Panthers!!
 * Soccer mom #2: Come on, Light Pink Panthers! You've....got this!!
 * Soccer coach: Don't pass it to the other team, that's your own goal! Eh, whatever.
 * Jaiden: I ended up not like soccer for a while, because everyone was getting more and more intense about it.
 * Soccer mom: FREAKING DESTROY THEM, AMELIA!!! KICK THEIR SHINS!!! YELLOW CARDS ARE JUST WARNINGS!!
 * Young Jaiden: H-how 'bout we just have fun, guys?
 * Jaiden: I couldn't keep up with the burning hunger for victory everyone else started developing, and I started getting really scared. Whenever there was a one-on-one charge to the ball, I would run at full speed to look like I was dedicated and wanted to win, but at the last second, I'd just run past 'em because I didn't want to get plowed or kicked in the face. And then I kept running and ran all the way home. Call me selfish, but I wasn't taking a soccer ball to the face for this madness! I wasn't that devoted to the team. Like I don't mind losing! During soccer, I also tried karate for a couple years and enjoyed that too....until it started getting more extreme, and everyone was gaining an undying thirst for intensity again.
 * Young Jaiden: Hey, this is kind of fun! (gets punched)
 * Jaiden: There isn't much to say here. I enjoyed it for a long time, my brother and I were in the classes together.... That was some fun sibling bonding time.
 * Young Jaiden: Yah!!
 * Jaiden: We participated in little tournaments where we would perform our forms, and spar each other. Sometimes we would have to perform forms to music, and it was like a little dance recital except without any four-year-olds that needed to be shoved off the stage. And I'm not gonna show any footage of those tournaments, because it's very embarrassing and I don't need that on the Internet. (actual footage is shown anyway, accompanied by "Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas in the background) Finally in sixth grade, I dropped everything and started up tennis, which was the first sport I actually got the hang of and loved. I even joined the high school team, which was cool. One time when we were practicing after school, the guy's track team was doing warm-ups by the courts. So they were all lined up behind the fence in the sitting area. It was pretty chill. We were doing our own thing and stuff. But every once in a while, one of 'em would make a stupid comment like:
 * Track team guy #1: Yeah, you go girls!
 * Track team guy #2: Come on, hit it harder!
 * Jaiden: No one took note of them because they were just pesky boys, and we were too busy kicking butt. But at one point, I smacked the ball hard enough that it bounced and stuck right into the fence where one of their faces were. I don't like showing off in front of guys or people or anything. That's not at all my thing. I can be attracted to all genders which is normal and not a big deal, and would still rather just stand in a dark corner and not draw attention to myself and be invisible. But the shock on his face and the fact he stumbled back a bit out of surprise...... Freakin' hell yeah. That made me feel like All Might for a sec there, with a sassy attitude and taking no bull from anyone. HAHA, I AM HERE!!! Little side story: Tennis practice in the Arizona summers were freakin' BRUTAL!! It would be 116 degrees outside, and we would be playing for three hours. There were points where people would be in the middle of a match, go off to the side to throw up, and then get right back into playing!
 * Tennis player: BLEH!! 15 love!
 * Jaiden: And that's it. That's all the sports I've been involved in during my lifetime so far. I'm glad I have all those experiences, because I feel like they gave me a lot of spice and variety to my life during those times. It's really important for your health to keep active, and I had a lot of fun just being a kid running around and doing sports and feeling great. And now I do nothing but sit behind the computer and draw for eleven hours straight. The end.

End-card

 * Jaiden: Oh hey! Funny seeing you here. It's been a while. Sorry about that. But also, I'm not too sorry because I was away on family vacation, and I had a good wholesome time because I love my family and want to spend time with them. Anyway, it's been forever since I've done any sort of sports whatsoever because I stopped pretty much as soon as I left high school. There would be a few times where my friend Kate and I would try to go out and play tennis again and be like "Yeah, it'll be fun to hit the ball around just like old times!" And then we'd suck because we haven't even looked at a tennis racket in like two years! One time in 10th grade, there were these two guys in my chemistry class talking about sports like the stereotypes they were, and one of them was like, "Is tennis a sport?" and I'm thinking to myself, "No, that wasn't a real question. He's goofing", and the other was like, "Hmmm..I don't think so." And in my head, I immediately stabbed myself in the brain. Tennis is a sport! It's...not- It's not an opinion. And I've got hard proof. Hey Siri? Is tennis a sport?
 * Siri: (activates) Which league? ATP or WTA? (waits for response)
 * Jaiden: Uh... ATP?
 * Siri: (activates) The U.S. open took place between o-
 * Jaiden: She didn't even question it, she just went "What league?" BOOM!! Not even open for discussion! Siri shut that down real quick. Thanks for watching the video. Talk to you later. Tennis is a sport. If you disagree, you can fight Siri. Bye.